Deep Dives are the actual source material. Same deal as last time: the raw journal, lightly edited, abbreviations expanded, with NOTE: is present-day me. This batch is a fairly unglamorous stretch — the days where I show up, sit down, and mostly nothing happens. <shrug> I’m including them on purpose. The good, the bad, the boring.
January 6, 2021
I woke up at 7:30 and went right away to meditate. Cayce and others say morning is best. I was quite sleepy — I hadn’t had a great night, so maybe I was still close to that kind of consciousness. I put the blue blanket on my lap this time so I wouldn’t get cold.
I flipped through some music — piano was too mellow, I wanted something to bring me into the day. I picked a drumming one with “energy” in the title. I liked it and immediately had a lot of those twitches. There was drumming and chanting that sounded to me today like “who are you.” Perhaps on another day it’ll sound like something else.
I’d rate the practice fair. But that’s me judging the result and not settling into the process. I was aware of my body the whole time. I had a pain in my back that came and went, and I wonder if that’s just from sitting still. My neck was stronger this time; my head didn’t drift and flop around as much. I asked for energy from the universe for what I need to do, and imagined the top of my head opening to receive.
Not sure how I feel. “Normal,” I suppose. Nothing profound today. (I again was preoccupied with what I might report after — writing in this journal — and hopefully I can let go of that soon.)
January 8, 2021 (morning)
I did a morning meditation on the app, a little short at 15 minutes. I was very monkey mind but not as twitchy today. I Googled the twitchy thing — it’s pretty normal. Most practitioners said it’s like excess energy from stress and should resolve with more practice. At least that’s what I’m going with.
My mind was quite active, but while I was very aware of my body, I was able to forget my “outlines” — the feeling of my hands on the blanket, my feet on the floor. My back had some pains again and I had to readjust and shake it out in the middle. Then an itch on my eyebrow. Ugh.
I read an article that referenced studies on how meditation can physically strengthen the brain. That’s also a goal — fix my brain. That was my concern at the start of shelter in place. So this could be another benefit. Or perhaps meditation is the answer to my asking to fix my brain. Funny how that can work…
January 12, 2021
Good Morning Meditation by Michael MacIntosh. Quiet music and voice. It was good, not great. I only used a blanket and didn’t pull on pants, so I had a hard time not feeling the cool air on the backs of my legs. Lol. This was a guided meditation about being in the moment and imagining feeling happier and happier. It didn’t quite resonate. Early on he created an image of opening your third eye, a star of energy.
I had a lovely image to focus on — my third eye in the shape of a star, almost 3-D, and the energy of the universe flowing in. That was nice. I’d like to get into a practice of asking for protection and health — white light and golden light — at the beginning of each meditation.
So I felt neutral, nothing really profound today. On with my day. Now I’ll say thank you: thank you guides, thank you angels, thank you to those who have passed who help me — Dad, Mom, Ramos, Carol, Judd, Rafi, Grandparents, Uncle John. I’m sure there are more. If you reveal yourself to me, I’ll try to look for your signs, and then I can name you in remembrance.
January 13, 2021
Third Eye Chakra Singing Bowls, 27 minutes. I didn’t sleep well last night (and I won’t blame my wife!!) so I wanted peaceful music and stayed lying in bed.
Since I’d had the third-eye imagery the day before, this title resonated, and I was able to invoke that image of the star opening to allow the energy to flow. I mostly tried to forget my physical body. I was aware of it, I knew it was there, but I did a pretty good job of not feeling it. I had some moments — I could feel the cold of my eyes where they were watery, a pain in my hip, my lips parting open at one point. But all momentary. I let them go.
I was in the void. I was the music. I was the Tibetan singing bowls. I was each tone, each chakra, all the energy. It reminded me of the C.S. Lewis book where he experiences another existence, and being the music, the vibration, was an entire existence. I’m not that intuitive, but I feel like I was there for a second or two.
I don’t feel like this was a profound meditation — just restful, like practice. It was good, just not insightful. I do hope I’ll have more of the other kind. I like feeling really connected to spirit and the universe — that’s kind of the point, right?
January 14, 2021
Today I listened to a meditation from Sofia Light Jewel on grounding. I like her voice and pace. It was about being a tree — pretty basic for grounding, but very effective. I was super into the first half and really felt the roots, saw the grounding light and energy going from me to the sun.
And just as I was letting my conscious mind judge that “this isn’t about the first lesson, cooperation,” (from the Edgar Cayce book), she literally said, this is about cooperation of self and universe, connecting to others and the whole of humanity. It really is. I have to let go of my agenda — remember, it’s about the process, not the results. I have to trust that I’m on the right path, that what I choose for my daily meditation is what I need for today.
That goes along with what I was reading in the Cayce book about the Lord’s Prayer. For something rote and memorized and repeated without thought, it’s good to examine in depth. “Give us this day our daily bread” — people focus on the bread, since it’s usually grace before meals.
But if the emphasis is on this day, how does it change?
Now. This day. This day is what feeds us.
This is being in the moment, living your present, and asking source for nourishment, for what I need to sustain now.
What kept you going back to something before it ever got good?